Communicating with Older Co-Workers

By Allison Jones

In response to an earlier post about being the youngest person in the room, someone made a great comment:

What do you suggest to do when it comes down to simple “chatting” or making friends? There seems to be so little in common with people who are 20-30 years your senior. I find that conversations start revolving around things that do not really matter to neither me (the youngest person) nor them. It’s definitely not a secret that if you are good company outside of work and can connect on something in common other than work, it will greatly benefit your business.

In my experience I find that people who are older than I am open up to me more once they see that I am a valuable employee who is interested in excelling and learning. However, making friends on the job never hurt anyone. So here’s how I managed to connect with the older people on my job:

1. Read the paper: Current events (especially local ones) are always spoken about at my job. It helps to be able to join the conversation.

2. Be genuinely interested: Ask questions about their professional life and slowly ask questions about their personal life. For example, “How did you get into this kind of work?” is a question that allows people to draw on professional and personal experiences. Once they share, highlight the value of what they say to you by offering a personal anecdote of how what they say applies to you or ask them to clarify what they say.

3. Be inclusive: Everyone likes lunch—so invite them out when you go grab some food. And if you are doing something new—whether you’re reading a book, taking a trip, or learning a new kind of technology—share! It’s wrong to assume that the generation gap is so large that you won’t find common ground or learn from each other.

4. Don’t be defensive: Every now and then a topic will come up and older employees will say subtly and not so subtly “You don’t know anything about this.” Children and marriage are the biggest culprits. Just excuse yourself from the conversation—you’ll only highlight how young you are. If the conversation is focusing on something you feel comfortable talking about, ask them why they think you can’t contribute and politely join the conversation sharing your experiences.

5. Accept the fact that the relationship may be more of a mentorship: While I understand that people our age have a desire to be friends with everyone, chances are someone who is 20-30 years older than you are is your supervisor thus making the friendship boundary a little difficult to cross. Additionally, think about what you talk about with your closest friends—now think if that would be appropriate for someone older than you. While you may not be buddy-buddy with the oldest people on the job it helps to have a positive working relationship with them that allows them to think highly of you in and out of the office.

Allison Jones graduated from Haverford College in 2007. She chronicles her life as a newbie in the professional world at Entry Level Living.

Improving workplace diversity in Massachusetts

According to an article in the Boston Globe, workplaces in Massachusetts may see a shift in terms of diversity. In an attempt to improve the diversity of the state's workforce, Massachusetts civic leaders and business executives are going to closely monitor the numbers of minority and female employees.

Nearly a year ago, a statewide survey showed that the state's largest businesses and nonprofit institutions are led almost exclusively by white men. The new push to improve diversity stems from the shocking survey results of a year ago and two more recent surveys yielding similar results.

Seventy-six institutions have already signed on to the program - called the Commonwealth Compact - in advance of a public appeal set for Friday.

In joining the program, employers will make several commitments, including supplying demographic information on their workforce, executive team, and applicant pool. The information will give the public insight into the diversity issues in workplaces across the state.

What do you think? Is this a good idea? Have other states implemented similar programs or initiatives?

When HR does too little, or too much

In a previous life, I worked at a company with a limited amount of parking available for a lot of people who drove into work. One colleague, with less rank, privilege or seniority than others, did have a space assigned to him.

Unfair? Favoritism? Well, you decide. His car had been vandalized multiple times in the unguarded public area. The theory was that he was being victimized for being gay.

No one ever knew for sure if that was the reason for the vandalism, and even if it were true, nobody could imagine that fellow employees would do such a thing.

I guess I could imagine such a thing, but that's really not important (since I won't name any names here). But what is important is the way our HR department handled it.

First, they thought about his privacy and didn't put out any warnings or wanted posters. Second, they came up with a solution that resolved the immediate problem quickly without subjecting the employee to a protracted investigative process.

What they did not do was to take the opportunity to develop and present a program on respect and safety -- issues that would be meaningful to everybody. What they did not do was raise awareness that some people within the company might have respect or safety issues, which eventually affects a company's persona.

What else could they have done? What should they have done?

photo by meckleychina

Banding together at work

OK, we thought we were hot stuff when we decided to team up to write a blog about three generations in the same workplace. Now we find out -- we got nothin’.

According to HR professionals, who say they’ve never seen anything like it before, companies are now seeing FOUR (count-‘em) generations of employees working together.

They say something interesting -- that HR departments better learn to do two things well: convince Baby Boomers to postpone retirement and adapt to working with the Gen Y’ers with their very different expectations. And that’s not even talking about the older “traditionalists” and the in-between Gen X’ers.

So how will this wash? A lot of BBs that I know are anxious to retire (yup, they’re the ones who bought into the idea of 60-80 hour workweeks for white-collar workers, thought it was a good idea for career advancement).

A lot of GYs I know are anxious to get ahead quickly. Traditionally, that was done by starting with a small (but diversified) job at a small company, moving up after several years to a larger company, and so on. Not so much anymore.

GXs and GYs say they look through the red tape, see the price their parents (and grandparents) paid for playing the corporate game, and are trying to short-circuit the process.

I know I wouldn’t want to be in the shoes of an HR person, trying to avoid saying “no way, but please stay” to everybody in sight.

OK, so here’s a radical solution – let the BBs go. In fact, incentivize them. Yes, they’re often the mentors and the managers – so what!

Find ways to fast-track the GX and GY stars – the managers of tomorrow. Give them the career paths that they want, knowing that they’ll be ready to challenge and be challenged.

Do we have any votes for bringing the workplace all the way down to two generations – anyone? Or is a diverse workplace -- where colleagues learn from each other -- actually still worth something?

Photo by MissK1

40 years later – is diversity alive at your job?

Forty years ago (April 4, 1968) the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. put the country on notice. What became clear, in the grief and confusion at the time, was that many more changes were needed to develop a more diverse society and a more diversified workplace.

Diversity became a hot button for a very long time. College students in 1968 were profoundly affected by Dr. King’s death, and took that motivation into the workplace with them. Federal, and then state, laws governing diversity at work, diversity in schools and other organizations – all contributed to the progress.

Among the most difficult concepts – recognizing that diversity had to spread beyond affirmative action mandates. It needed to encompass the various perspectives, the similarities that people can contribute to the organizational identity. That’s where some organizations try harder than others, some are more successful than others.

So here's the question -- a question for each of you. What can be done to continue, to actually broaden the impact of diversity in the workplace when most workplaces discourage or disallow discussions of diverse beliefs? How do you start?

photo by Pan-African News Wire

Career Advice for Women? Take It With a Grain of Salt

Compare this excerpt from a recent column by Brazen Careerist Penelope Trunk to the excerpt from The Feminine Mystique, a 1963 book by Betty Friedan, below it:

Women who want to have children should make it a priority in their twenties to find a partner....[Y]ou have your whole life to get a career. Obviously, that's not true of having a baby. If you are past your early twenties, and you're single and want to have children, you need to find a partner now. Take that career drive and direct it toward mating - your ovaries will not last longer than your career....The good news is that psychology research shows you will gain more happiness anyway by finding a partner than by having a good job. --Penelope Trunk (2008)

Over and over women [in the 1940s and 50s] heard in voices of tradition and of Freudian sophistication that they could desire no greater destiny than to glory in their own femininity. Experts told them how to catch a man and keep him, how to breastfeed children and handle their toilet training...how to dress, look, and act more feminine and make marriage more exciting....They were taught to pity the neurotic, unfeminine, unhappy women who wanted to be poets or physicists or presidents. They learned that truly feminine women do not want careers, higher education, political rights--the independence and the opportunities that the old-fashioned feminists fought for. --Betty Friedan (1963)

In 2008, on the eve of a presidential election that very well may include a female candidate, are we experiencing some sort of backlash against the idea that a woman can find happiness and fulfillment outside the home? Or is Penelope Trunk's mandate to "start mating ASAP" a valuable piece of advice for today's female workers?

Diversity -- Has it become OLD news?

Anyone ever feel that Diversity in the workplace is old news? Then you’re obviously not paying attention to the presidential campaign.

No, not what you think. We’ve read tons about voters weighing the differences between a black candidate (male) and a female (white) candidate. Yes, it’s for a job, a very important job, to be sure, but it’s still all about two candidates vying for a job.

But wait, there’s more! There’s another likely candidate for the job – older (white male). And here’s how that type of diversity plays on the TV and radio talk shows:

“Maybe John McCain would only be a one-term president. After all he’s 71 or 72 or 73—who knows?”

“If McCain wins, it’ll be a great opportunity for Romney or Huckabee to run for president in four years.”

Four years? What are these people thinking?

More on diversity and the election: We ran a survey on Experience recently that dealt with the election, and reported the results as showing Barack Obama being more popular among students than Hillary Clinton.

We soon received an email protesting the trivialization of these contests as a popularity contest:

“Since Mr. Obama has taken the delegate lead in the race for the democratic presidential nominee, the press's true colors have begun to show and experience.com appears to be no exception. If Mrs. Clinton was ahead, she would undoubtedly have earned true voters as opposed to being reduced to the winner of a popularity contest.

“That is not only offensive and demeaning, but it speaks volumes as to your opinion one of the most important races EVER to face our country and certainly the most important race in the lives of current college students.”

While that was certainly not our intent, it does speak to the danger of media attitudes that oversimplify. And these same attitudes can easily (and unintentionally) surface in the workplace – attitudes regarding minorities of any type, whether by race, gender or age.

Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that the three leading candidates are routinely referred to on TV news shows as Sen. McCain, Sen. Clinton, and Barack?

Reminds me of the last state elections in Massachusetts where Gov. Deval Patrick was routinely referred to for months by the media as “Deval”, unlike his predecessor who was referred to (from Day One) as Gov. Romney.

Do you see these workplace problems? Is it any different where you work? Let us know.